5 Types of Female Friends

I’m utterly fascinated with the phenomena of friendship, particularly female friendships. Throughout the years I’ve identified different friendship types based on two things: the patterns of those in my close-knit circle and the many women I end up spending extended amounts of time with due to being raised in the transient city of Los Angeles. I’ve also come to realize that we really need different types of friends to provide a healthy balance of compassion, empathy, comedy, insight, and tough love. We’d all like to believe we are a little of each, but that would make us THE PERFECT WOMAN — Yeah…NO.

Anyway, the female psyche is complex so I find at different times in our lives our friendship types shift. I’ve noticed that we typically embrace one type (style) that reflects our personality, and foreshadows our personal desires (we want others to reflect) and life experience, but as we mature, the more evolved woman will tend to put her own needs and norms aside and adapt to the type of friend the situation calls for. With age and wisdom we can effectively and authentically accomplish this adaptation without losing ourselves.

So here is my non-professional, sans-psychological, unverifiable list of the 5 Types of Female Friends. As you review these descriptions try to keep in mind that no one description will describe yourself or a friend entirely. There is typically a clear dominant type and then a supportive type that fills in the blanks.

Ok here it goes…

The Bullet

Otherwise known as the straight-shooter, this friend can’t help but to tell it like it is. Based on a deep connection forged over many years (maybe even since childhood), she’s earned the right to tell you the dreaded truth that you really need to hear. And her comfort in the fact that the friendship is secure plus the fact that she understands you intrinsically, frees her to exert her opinion without all the sugar coating. There’s no doubt that she care deeply for you and they show it by putting a halt to the pity party and demanding that you put your big girl panties on. Nothing said is meant to hurt you or shoot you down, in fact, she wants only the best for you and won’t even let YOU get in the way of that. Her compliments and praises are as pure as her criticisms. She’s a straight-shooter who’s typically on target and you love her all the more for it.

If you’re a Bullet: remember that although you mean well, your impact can sting or even leave a permanent scar if you’re not careful.

The Booster

This ‘uplifting’ friend is always for you and whatever you want. She can’t help but to jump behind your dreams and desires and cheer you on to victory. Whatever you’re selling; she’s buying but not because you’re good at it— but because you’re INTO it. She sees your full potential and feels that positive reinforcement, encouragement, and a whole lot of love is all you need to reach it. Whether it’s a long talk, a hug, a good cry or an off-color joke, she’ll do what it takes to restore your spirit. She secretly finds discouragement annoying (no matter how true or who offers it). She encourages your occasional bad move or idea because she understands that may be what’s needed to get to a good one. Her positivity often earns her the label of dreamer or even naively optimistic but she simply chooses to focus on celebrating strengths rather than the task of repairing weaknesses.

If you’re a Booster: be aware that your perpetual positivity can inhibit your ability to offer the most sound advice and honest feedback at times when it may be crucial for others to hear.

The Beacon

Having the life experience of a woman twice her age, this friend is a beacon sent to guide and warn you about the dangers ahead. From her elevated viewpoint, she can see where you’re headed and knows the answer to your dilemma before you ask; but out of courtesy she listens intently for her opportunity to impart you with her wisdom. She has paid attention to you and studied you and this is her chance to HELP you. Her insights are indeed helpful and whether you agree wholeheartedly or not, she leaves you with something to seriously think about. She’s never short of a metaphor or saying that fits the moment and many of her spirited quips have become your mantras. She’s an eager shoulder to lean on and a beacon to light the way when you’re in a dark place. She’s your grandmother, great aunt, and great friendly all wrapped in one.

If you’re an Beacon: be open to allowing your friends to make their own mistakes despite your wisdom and warnings. True wisdom is knowing when and when not to offer it up.

The Buffer

This friend helps us dissect our thoughts and feelings and is content to do so. She’s a sounding board who wins the award for best listener year after year. She often withholds her adverse opinion and avoids taking sides, or passing any judgment because that just stirs things up. She doesn’t like conflict or ruffling feathers because that equals stress so she decidedly plays it safe and focuses on smoothing things over to keep her life (and everyone’s life) peaceful. You know you can tell her anything and everything and she’s never visibly rattled by anything you reveal. Because of her advanced listening skills, she can recall the thoughts and desires you’ve shared and long forgotten —offering the broad perspective you’ve gone blind to. When it comes to your dilemmas she offers several options without bias, allowing you to come to your own conclusion. She’s empathetic, loyal and intuitive but to her friends she’s mainly a soft place to land.

If you’re a Buffer: make sure you have a buffer, too. Because buffers are great listeners, they are the least likely to speak up. Let it out sometimes; you’re needed too much to have a mental meltdown.

The Buster

THIS PERSON IS NOT YOUR FRIEND!! She has infiltrated your group, weaseled her way into your circle, and has successfully played the role of frienemy under the radar. Her relationship with you is more about what she gets from you (emotionally/financially/by association, etc.) and her seemingly sincere interest in you is more out of curiosity and due diligence rather than uplifting you. While she does admire something about you (your style, your personality, your success) she wants to be on the inside to gather intel on what makes you tick in hopes to uncover and expose your weaknesses in an effort to feel better about herself. She passive-aggressively jumps at the opportunity to criticize or make little digs. And she revels in the opportunity to deliver hurtful news about the ex you claim to have gotten over. You periodically get wind of her questionable remarks about you but you shrug them off because you’re in denial (and the truth hurts). Her moments of generosity and kindness are a distraction to render you blind to her antics. She is dysfunctional and the moment she is exposed you’ll feel her venom. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

If you’re an Buster: Get an exorcism (kidding). Seek the help of a professional who can help you uncover the deep-seeded insecurities that lead to your destructive thoughts and actions. The truth is,  Jesus can change ANYONE who diligently seeks HIM. As long as there is a God there is hope.

What’s your Friendship Type?

Pass this blog on to a friend and get her opinion.